This is just a bit of mental vomit that I am putting to a digital screen to clear my head a bit. Most may look at this and instantly type TL;DR, and that's fine.
Lately there has been a lot of buzz surrounding the new AMD lineups that are going to be released before the year is out. I, more so than anyone that I am actually friends with, am getting extremely excited about all of this. The main problem I am faced with is always one of money; for MOST people this is the problem. You need time, energy, and money, and very seldom do you ever have all three at once.
Maybe I am a little bit more bothered by it than I should be. Maybe this is just me being a bit selfish; but when a person is studying Computer Engineering, computer modding is a largely growing passion with that person, and they only just barely have the means of going to school part time with massive debt in tow, none of these hobbies and interest amount to much since your knowledge base only scratches the surface of what any of this can do beyond gaming, I lack proper contacts, and I can't afford these parts any time soon.
Again, It would be understandably difficult to sympathize with my current position, and I get that. My rig, listed in my rig specs, isn't exactly flaccid. It's just one computer though: I need more. I say need and one might think I mean "want." I assure you that quite the opposite is true. I could honestly even care less if I get to keep the systems I work on, so long as I got to build it, tune it, test it, and give it a good home or write up a solid review on specific hardware in the build. I want to know what makes it all tick. I want to continue to imagine and conceptualize at a whole other level than what I am even currently capable of.
So many things I wish to accomplish, and yet for some reason, at 28, I feel like my time has already come and gone: as though my moment to shine and become what I truly was meant to become, to do what I was meant to do, has passed me right on by without so much as a whisper of its presence. I am typically known for making a mountain out of a mole hill, and most likely this is what I am doing right now: I am not exactly too old to make a difference in whatever it is I set myself to, nor am I just sitting around doing nothing (though the level of my activity on the page as of late might suggest otherwise x-p).
Perhaps that's the root of the problem: my lack of patience. I always perceive time as flowing far faster than it actually does, or in times of distress/melancholy much SLOWER than it actually flows. It always seems like there is never enough time for my goals, and it tends to feel like time is running out at an increasingly faster and faster rate.
Rest assured that once my goals are achieved there will be immediate results. In the meantime, I continue to try to be a contributing member in whatever way I can to this and other communities I am a part of the best way I know how. Unfortunately (I say that like this is a bad thing) this usually boils down to talks of analysis, speculation, benchmark comparisons, and breaking news. I generally have little personal experience to share, as I rarely have the means to give that experience. I also got in on this game in a kind of awkward way, as I went from an A-Open motherboard socket with an Athlon XP 3000+ CPU that had a heatsink with NO thermal paste on it (it was only many years later that I did that), to my ill-fated i7 2600K build with a (also ill-fated) 560 Ti-448. Even then I was not entirely unlike a dog behind a keyboard playing League of Legends: I picked what LOOKED like good parts, and hoped to get lucky with unfortunate results.
Of course, correcting that issue took a fair bit of time and money, which leads to the present in which I am several thousands of dollars in debt, having had to learn "the hard way" about "how to computer" the right way. If I had known then what I know now, I would be in a much better position to follow up on everything that I really would like to do. Unfortunately, the silicon lottery had other things in mind, and I am now relegated to benchwarmer status until everything gets sorted.
If you have read to this point, congratulations: you are now intimately familiar with how verbose I can be and how much is floating around in my head all at once without necessarily having any rhyme or reason to it. If not, then as stated above, that's fine, too. Really none of this should bother me as much as it does; by all rights, I should be perfectly content to be in the situation I am presently in: I have a lovely girlfriend (hopefully soon to be fiance) who thankfully fancies craft beer (my other hobby) as much as I do, a steady job, two computers that were tuned and customized by me that are in flawless working order and built with impeccable attention to detail, I'm in school and doing reasonably well, and I have a solid group of friends.
... but when the desire to create something kicks in... when that desire to want to continue to learn as much as my brain is willing and able to retain as I understand it... and I can't... well, that's when I get to this point.