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Thread: A new funnies thread

  1. #849
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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    The Great Flydini

    This was done only once on the Johnny Carson Show in 1992.


    Fortunately, he recorded it, because it was never performed again.




    Steve Martin: The Great Flydini, Carson 1992 | MilkandCookies

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    Default Re: Wal-Mart Cake "You can't fix stupid"

    Quote Originally Posted by 4hams View Post
    Wal-Mart Cake

    make sure you read the story under the picture.

    Keep in mind this 'actually really' did happen.

    This cake is for someone who was moving from an insurance claims office



    Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

    Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I hep you?'

    Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

    Walmart Employee: 'What you want on da cake?'

    Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

    STOP LAUGHING!



    You can't fix stupid.
    Hilarious ahahaha

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread


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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    i have a set of rachet straps and tow ropes with hooks so i can wench my vehical out of "situations"
    it's faster and cheaper than dealing with tow trucks

    done it b4, sure i'll do it again
    learning is good .....understanding is better .....pleas teach with wisdom............................................ ..............calemus

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    A elderly woman goes into fishing tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

    The owner of the shop is standing there wearing dark sun glasses.

    She says, "excuse me, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

    He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.

    She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

    He says, "that's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and a 10lb test line. It's a good all round combination; and it's on sale this week for only twenty pounds."

    She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

    As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

    'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

    She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind shop owner could tell it was her who had farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

    The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be thirty-four pounds fifty, please."

    The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for twenty pounds? How did you get

    thirty-four fifty?"

    He replies, "yes Madam, the rod and reel are twenty pounds, but the Duck Caller is eleven pounds and the bag of bait is three pounds fifty."
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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    A new funnies thread-10846237_10202075582050472_2118145548406460698_n.jpg

  7. The following users thank 2 For this above post:

    Cyberburnout (24-12-2014), rrplay (25-12-2014)

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    Quote Originally Posted by xelosia View Post
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	10846237_10202075582050472_2118145548406460698_n.jpg 
Views:	210 
Size:	44.6 KB 
ID:	7098

    nice! I always wondered where those came from. Now I know!!
    "If you got it, Build it"

    A+ Certified. Dell, Lenovo, HP, Lexmarks, Xerox, Panasonic and NEC Certified ASP.

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    It’s Christmas Eve, and Joe (a traveling salesman) has been caught in a terrible snowstorm on his way home from a convention. He’s hundreds of miles from home but the snow won’t let up, so with a sigh he pulls into the nearest parking lot– a diner. As he’s sitting in his car, thinking sadly about missing his kids’ Christmas morning excitement, he decides he might as well go in and get something to eat while the storm is still raging.

    The place is empty so he picks out a booth and sits down. The waitress is middle-aged and made-up with festive red lipstick and a flashing Rudolph pin and she’s there in no time: “What can I get for ya, hon?” Joe checks his watch– already past midnight. “Well, I guess it’s Christmas morning,” he says sadly, “I’ll have Eggs Benedict. It’s what my mom always used to make.”

    Seeing as he’s the only customer, he’s not surprised when his food comes out just a few minutes later. However, he can’t figure out why his waitress is carrying it out on a giant hubcap. As she sets it down, smiling, he clears his throat. “Um, I’m sorry,” he says, “but why are you serving my eggs on a hubcap?”

    The waitress pats his shoulder comfortingly and says, “Oh, you know…. there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.”
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    Default Re: A new funnies thread


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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    Quote Originally Posted by xelosia View Post
    heck ya used to be partial to a Pabst Smir about a 60 -40 blend of PBR and vodka
    "You're never to old to learn something stupid."

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread


  13. The following user thanks xelosia For this above post:

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread


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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    Quote Originally Posted by xelosia View Post

    Always look beyond the limits...

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    A guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife.

    “I guess I'll have to spread my legs now”, she said.

    “Why?” , he asked "Don't you have a vase?"
    "You're never to old to learn something stupid."

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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    How do you tell the sex of an ant?

    Drop it in a glass of water.....

    If it sinks to the bottom...... Girl ant

    If it floats.....
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    Default Re: A new funnies thread

    Quote Originally Posted by grumpydaddy View Post
    How do you tell the sex of an ant?

    Drop it in a glass of water.....

    If it sinks to the bottom...... Girl ant

    If it floats.....
    *Big, loud, snortling laugh* Huh, I get it! hehehehehe

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