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Thread: A new funnies thread

  1. #113
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    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by KIPPER View Post
    Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."


    She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


    He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

    LMAO

    Thanks Kip, I needed that today!

    P.S. My wife liked it too.

  2. #114
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    Default How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

    HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
    This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely
    true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.


    You have to try this. It takes 2 seconds.. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon. This will boggle your mind and it will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!


    1). Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY....) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.


    2). Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.


    Your foot will change direction. I told you so!!!


    And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.




  3. The following user thanks vinman For this above post:

    grumpydaddy (23-03-2011)

  4. #115
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    Default

    Nooooo, I got my other half to do it ...ha ha ha ha ha ....She wants to try it on the kids tomorrow
    Rig2: 2*e5-26xx (16c/32t @2.4), Asus z9 pe-d8 ws, 32gb ripjawsz under water, rig3 2*e5-26xx (16c/32t @2.4), Supermicro 7047A-T 16GB 1600 ecc reg, on air, Rig4: 2*e5-26xx (16c/32t @3.1), Supermicro x9 DAi 16GB 1600 ecc reg, on air, Rig5: 2*e5-2660 (16c/32t @2.7), Supermicro x9 DRW iF 32GB 1600 ecc reg, on air

  5. #116
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    Default The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...

    The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
    I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
    "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
    "I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole
    using my stuff.."
    She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

  6. #117
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vinman View Post
    HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
    This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely
    true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.


    You have to try this. It takes 2 seconds.. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon. This will boggle your mind and it will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!


    1). Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY....) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.


    2). Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.


    Your foot will change direction. I told you so!!!


    And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.



    i did it but i think i almost dislocated my femur.
    What?

  7. #118
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    Default Can you hear me Now

    A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she
    Used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
    Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the
    Family doctor to discuss the problem.

    The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
    Husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea
    About her hearing loss.

    "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet
    Away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone
    See if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and
    So on until you get a response."

    That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and
    He was in the den.

    He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what
    Happens."

    Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

    No response.

    So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from
    His wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

    Still no response.

    Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet
    From his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

    Again he gets no response.

    So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
    "Honey, what's for dinner?"

    Again there is no response.

    So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

    I just love this)

    "Chicken, VINNY, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

  8. #119
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    Default

    LOL probably true hey Vinny LMFAO

  9. #120
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    Default Kipper The Harley Mechanic

    Kipper the Harley mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle

    When he spotted Smduff the well-known cardiologist!, in his shop.

    Smduff the cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike

    When Kipper the mechanic shouted across the garage. "Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?"

    Smduff the cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where Kipper was working on the motorcycle.

    Kipper straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine.

    I open its' heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in
    And when I finish, it works just like new.

    So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759)

    When you and I are doing basically the same work?"

    Smduff the cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to Kipper the mechanic......... "Try doing it with the engine running."

  10. #121
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    Default

    Ha Ha KIp out smarted again LMAO J/K

  11. #122
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    Default

    yeah but at least Kip is not deaf

  12. #123
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    And duff cant fix a motorcycle but at least he makes more money then Kip lol!

  13. #124
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    Default The Doctor Visit



    A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . . a green spot on the inside of each.
    "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse."

    The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
    A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

    The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend Kipper a Harley guy?"
    The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"

    "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

  14. #125
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    Kip you old dog you LMAO

  15. #126
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    I gotta tell ya, if that was my ole lady I could see how Kip doesn't have enough money left for real gold.

    "A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns."

  16. #127
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    Sure is a nice Harley isn't it!

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    alan1476 (26-03-2011)

  18. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by vinman View Post
    Sure is a nice Harley isn't it!
    What Harley, damn I missed that.

    "A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns."

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